Jiwang? Mampus la.

Baru habis baca buku Dear John. Ye, buku tu dah lama keluar. Siap ada movie, aku tahu. Peduli apa aku. What's the difference if I read it earlier or later? Yang penting aku dah baca. Dan aku kagum. Nicholas Sparks memang seorang genius. Cara dia potray the bittersweetness of love memang hebat. Sesiapa yang pernah loved and lost sure akan tersentap baca benda.


Tapi sumpah celaka. Baca buku tu buat aku teringat cerita lama. Teringat kat dia. Haish. Tak silap aku dah 2 tahun lebih dah kita tak bersama. Eh, kita pernah declare ke? Mampus la. Bagi aku, what we had was as special as could be. Lagipun bukannya kau baca blog aku, so aku boleh cakap apa2 je aku nak, apa orang tahu betul ke tidak. HAHAHA.



Honestly, I don't think I love you anymore. Aku tak batak pun kalau kau mintak aku balik sekarang ini. Aku dah lama buang hasrat nak bersama dengan kau balik. Aku buang dalam longkang kat Seksyen 2 Shah Alam tu. But I missed it. Not you, but the memories. The feeling to love and be loved. Haish, aku dah lama dah rasa camni sebenarnya. Lagi2 kat UiTM tu. Sorang2 b'couple. Cilaka betul. Sumpah tensyen tengok. Aku dok pikiaq "Awat depa suma senang ja dapat awek, aku nak lupa sorang pun susah ba'ang, apa lagi nak cari sorang lagi." Nak buat camne, jodoh diaorang ye tak?



Bukannya takde yang aku minat, ada tu ada, cuma aku tak rasa berbaloi nak pergi approach. I just never want to go through heartbreak again. Memang hebat aku tengok orang yang tukar2 pasangan ni. Seolah takde rasa apa. Dulu bercinta, janjikan bulan dan syurga, lepastu breakup, sedih dua tiga hari, tup tap tup tap, da ada awek baru. Mana letak hati? Mana letak perasaan? Mungkin diaorang bercinta guna perut. Da habis keluar ikut dubur. Ok, stop. Tak payah nak emo sangat.



But the weird thing is that, walaupun aku dah tak sayang dia lagi, aku still teringatkan dia. Takde la selalu macam dulu2, tapi kadang2, and usually unexpectedly. Kadang2, ada benda2 yang terus buat aku automatik t'ingat dia. Macam waktu roomate aku sibuk dok bercerita pasal orang yang dia minat. Waktu aku nampak orang tengah berdating2 kat SACC. Waktu terdengar lagu jepun. Bila org cakap 'GO AND DIE LA!' Hahaha. Haish. Funny isn't it? The people that we once loved, even if we don't love them anymore, is still stuck in our mind. Seriously. Walaupun dah lebih setahun tak contact, aku still ingat nombor telefon dia. Aku still ingat tarikh ko first time ckp ko sayang aku, first time kita keluar, and tarikh ko tinggalkan aku. Aku ingat siap HARI apa sekali. Ahahaha. Aku ingat apa yang kau pakai waktu kita keluar. Aku ingat yang haritu kau pakai subang sebelah lain sebelah lain. Aku ingat kau ikat rambut kau ke belakang, necklace bentuk hati kau, and kau pakai baju hijau, kaler favourite kau.



Haish, dah2. I'm enjoying this too much. What I'm trying to say is that, somehow, you still have a place inside my heart. Aku tau yang aku akan ingat kau sampai aku mati. Bukan sebab aku still sayang kau, tapi entah la, it's an indescribable feeling. And I know that I'll always remember the time we spent together. They're one of the best moments in my life. =)



Eh, kenapa aku tulis camni ha? Ini suma salah buku Dear John tu. Haram jadah buat aku ingat semua ni. Habis bazir dua jam aku sengkang mata buat benda alah ni. Celaka. Haha. Tapi kalau kau dah baca buku tu, mungkin kau faham la kot kenapa aku tiba2 cakap pasal ni. Damn, it REALLY was a good book to make me so worked up about this. Salah satu benda yang aku dapat dari buku tu ialah (asal skema semacam -.-") that when you love someone, even if they leave, they're never really gone. They've become a part of you. You may move on, you may love someone else, but you'll always remember them. They always will hold a special place in your heart. Entah la. Tu la yang aku rasa. Mungkin sebab tu la aku tulis post ni.



I've always wondered if you feel the same way about this. Remembering all these things. Looking back at all of this and smiled like I do. Enjoying those memories, cherishing them. I'd like to think that you do.

And hey, if you do happen to read this. This song is for you. Though the whole point of this is for you NOT to read it. Haha. I hate being mushy as much as I hate goodbyes. But, just in case, here. =)